Hello again my children, here to find out what the definitive ten worst movies of 2018 are I see. But first, a disclaimer: I haven’t seen as many movies as I might usually this last calendar year, and unfortunately, it’s the stinkers that bore the brunt of it. Some of these films, while still definitely bad, most likely wouldn’t have made previous years’ list. That being said, Let’s have it – the ten worst movies I saw in 2018.
- Deadpool 2
I know, I’m as surprised as you are. Truth is the first Deadpool was absolutely great but this one sucks, and you know it.
- Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle
Andy Serkis is and will always be an absolute boy, but this film is dreadfully misjudged. As far as I can tell the only difference between this and the Jon Favreau version is that there’s a different voice cast and there aren’t any songs. Also in this version there’s a use of motion capture to record facial expressions, meaning that thanks to British thesp “Basingstoke Cricket-Match” Shere Khan looks like a fucking alien.
The publicity for this movie was bizarre, the advertising campaign was centred around a “return” to the Halloween franchise as if the most recent Halloween outing wasn’t in 2009 -just nine years ago. It also repeatedly mentioned the “return” of Jamie Lee Curtis as if she hasn’t been in one since the original – she’s been in literally 50% of the eight original series films, as recently as 2002. What’s even more bizarre is that generally people found this film to be good.
- Pacific Rim: Uprising
Bless John Boyega, he tried to inject some character into this corpse of a movie. Disappointing.
- The Commuter
I’d be lying if I said I gained no enjoyment from a movie about Liam Neeson going around a train beating people up. However, I’d also be lying if I said it was anything more than a very bad film.
- The Cloverfield Paradox
At no point in this movie did I have so much as an inkling of what was going on.
- The Nun
The Nun occasionally hints at a nice horror motif, or set piece but every time without fail, it squanders this in favour of some tall broad in a nun outfit yelling at you while a cupboard of violins collapses in your ears.
Who knew something so interesting on paper could be so dreadful? Not Netflix apparently.
- Fifty Shades Freed
You know what this is definitely the ‘worst’ film on this list. It’s like they don’t even care at this point about putting the film together in a coherent way. The fact that this A. got released in cinemas and B. people paid to see it is the most damning indictment of humanity I can think of.
- Darkest Hour
This wasn’t always going to make the top spot but writing this list I realised no film no matter how hard they tried, just didn’t annoy me as much as this one did. Beyond just being two hours and five minutes of the script unashamedly re-writing history to glorify Winston Churchill even more than this country already does, Darkest Hour just isn’t a well-constructed movie. Pacing? What’s that, here have another famous “one liner” wasn’t he hilarious! The scene where he takes the tube and various members of the public queue up to massage his ego was the cinematic low point of 2018.